Handling Sex in Chat
Chat 101, The Place To Start!

What is CyberSex?

Yuck - I don't wanna!

Hmmm... Sounds Interesting...

What IS CyberSex anyway?
(sometimes shortened to "cyber")

Ever read a "dirty magazine" with reader stories in them? Imagine those stories being interactive - that is, two people (or more, I suppose) typing that same sort of stuff to each other.. sharing their reactions, etc.

Just as there are different types of adult magazines, people do different things during cybersex. If you're not old enough to legally buy adult magazines, you shouldn't even *think* about doing cybersex <mommy glare>.

It's very different from simply reading a magazine, though, because there are actually *people* involved - with feelings.

Is it right? Is it wrong? Is it "cheating"? I don't know - that's up to you. I've tried to remain impartial, and simply provide information.

Don't be afraid to say NO to requests to participate at all, or to exit a chat at any time you begin feeling uncomfortable. I suspect there are a lot more people that say they participate than actually do.

Yuck - I don't wanna!

I think it is due to the anonymity of chat - Some people who would never consider outright trying to "pick-up" dates in real life have no hesitation about doing so on-line. Many of these people appear to have no qualms about harassing others to "have a hot chat".

It isn't that difficult to handle these people, really!  Here is what I suggest:

Chatters "Hitting on" you:

    1. Ignore the first message completely. Many times the individual will send out the same message to multiple chatters, hoping that someone will reply.
    2. Second message:  Tell them "not interested" (or just plain NO) in the same manner they asked - in a private message/whisper or in the open chat.
    3. If the person persists, this works best (and please keep in mind that hosts/guides in many chats won't act based on reports of obnoxious whispers - too many innocents have gotten in trouble):

    • A)  Type IN OPEN CHAT (the main chatroom) something like: Nickname, I *told* you I didn't want to have dirty chat. I'm putting you on ignore now.
    • B) Put the person on " Ignore" (different methods for different styles of chat - just ask a host or an experienced chatter how to ignore if you're not sure).  Ignore features will block out all of the messages - private or public that that chatter posts. The "Ignore" feature is absolutely, positively the best way to handle *any* chatter who is bothering you. Virtually all half-way decent chat room programs have an "Ignore" option.

Chatters who send X rated URLs or offers for unsavory pictures via a whispered or public message:

    1. Put that chatter on "Ignore" immediately.  No response should or needs to be sent to that chatter. If you WANT, you can type something like (in the open chat): Nickname, I have no interest in your X rated pictures.  Don't whisper me!!!!

Other General Precautions you can take:

    1. Make sure your e-mail address is not automatically shown.  In msn chat, you can turn that feature on and off in "member settings". If a chat format requires that you show an e-mail address, make one up.
    2. Turn off ALL whispers in a chat room you are not familiar with.  In msn, this is done using the "options" button - most chat formats have something similar.
    3. If the chat you are using has "automatic file transfers" available.. turn THAT off too!  I'd suggest doing that anytime, any chat. Not only does it slow down your connection, but it's an open invitation for viruses and other ugly stuff. You can always open up a file transfer if you wish (or use another program to receive a file)
    4. Find a chat room where you're comfortable - look for people with similar interests/ages.  Specific chats are generally more of a "family", and nastiness (unless that's what the chat is designed for) won't be tolerated by the group.

Keep your cool.  The point is that YOU should be enjoying yourself in chat - don't let others take that away from you.  Although typing messages like "Nickname, you need to take a cold shower" or "Nickname, does your mommy/wife/hubby know what you're doing on here???" can be satisfying <eg>, it may also make you a target for some nastiness from that chatter.  One of the problems with "Ignore" is that it usually only works for a while - if the ignored leaves the chat and returns, they may no longer be on "Ignore" <sigh>.

Hmmmm.. Sounds Interesting!

Rule #1. Go to a chat room that is set up for that type of chat!!!!!
There are few things more obnoxious to ALL chatters than a member hitting on other chatters in a friendly, non-sex chat.  Many times these types of chats are member created (not sponsored).  Look around the room list for a room that has a title that indicates that type of chat is welcome. hint:  many rooms that include "romance" in the title aren't all that romantic!

Be cautious. DO give out your true age and gender.  First name and state, province or country of residence is fine. Do NOT give out more identifying information.  Make sure you have a web-based general e-mail address (like MailCity) to provide if you decide to stay in contact. Just as there are in the real world, there are a few true perverts/predators on-line .. please, please be smart!

Be honest, but also be aware that others may not be. As a host, I'm constantly amazed at the number of 12 and 13 year olds looking for a hot chat.  I can only hope that their idea of "hot chat" is more like what a date was when *I* was 12 or 13.... <I know.. just wishful thinking :-( >

I also suggest using a different nickname than you normally use. You're "invitation" should be something along the line of: 25 year old single female in the U.S. here, new to this stuff and very nervous.  Anyone want to chat?  Your "invitation" may be sexier - but be sure that your age, gender, and an indication of your primary written language is shown.

Remember that the X and EXIT buttons are there!  If things get uncomfortable, leave the chat (politely or in a panic, whichever is more appropriate <s>)

All contents of this web site are copyrighted. For more information, please visit the Copyright page. Please don't steal!  Thank you :-)


Click to Return to Home Page of Chat101